one of the things that keep me going

one of the things that keep me going

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Anything but sleep.. was the saying i came up with while i was in college to describe my extreme fomo (fear of missing out) and my childhood issue that continued into my teenage/adult life - getting a second wind at the most opportune time for sleep, and though i THOROUGHLY enjoy sleeping, i find almost every excuse not to go to sleep, until i pass out of exhaustion. The most classic example would be that I would come home on a saturday night, tell my room mates (who were already in bed) in my animated voice every. last. detail. of my night, and THEN i would decide to clean. i hate cleaning. but NOW was the time that i would feel passionate and inspired to get my act together and start sorting through all the clutter, refold all my laundry and put it back in the closet, and if i really lost it, i would also organize my books and my drawer under my bed. anything but sleep. i will do ANYTHING but go to sleep.

i had woken up tonight to nurse the baby, then i got distracted. by the time i was 'ready to go to sleep' i realized that the baby would wake up again soon to nurse, so i might as well stay up. Now it's nearly 3am, i have nursed the baby twice, wrote an email to my old boss asking for a paycheck i never received (almost a year ago), watched two episodes of Scrubs, downloaded google chrome, and started a blog. Because NOW is the perfect time. RIGHT?!!

I believe that everything has it's time. but this staying up half the night because 'i dont want to go to sleep', 'but i have so many things to do', 'now is the perfect time to do this' is absolutely insane. what happens in the end? Something else that is also extremely important gets compromised ie my health, my rest, my patience, etc. I know that my fault is this, but dont we all do this in different ways? putting our friends before our family, watching tv instead of studying, going online instead of working, spacing out ALL day. all of those things have a TIME, and it can't be at the expense of our more important commitments. everyone needs outlets and time with friends and time just to unwind, and we all need to make sure that it gets penciled in to our very busy schedules. i cant tell you how productive i feel after i have a night like this, but when i wake up in the morning, 9 out of 10 times i regret it because i justified it as doing something for 'myself' when i really ended up hurting myself. how many times have you had a conversation with a friend at a time that you were meant to be doing something else, and the worse part was that it wasn't urgent, and it could have been done at a different time? it takes real discipline and clarity to say when the right time for something is. we just have to be real with ourselves and know when to say 'no' or 'NOT now'.

hope this gave you something to think about. she just fell asleep. i'll take advantage now ;)


  1. "fomo" I LOVE that! Having a newborn is sooo conducive to doing a ton of stuff at, like, 2 a.m. I was also really, really productive when my babies were fresh.

    It does take a lot of discipline to know when to say "not now." I like to start with little goals, like when I decided to have a daily no-internet zone. Little steps, and when I fail (which is likely), it's easy to pick back up and try again.

    Welcome to blogging!! It's such a great outlet. :)

  2. Hi!! So excited about this blog!! Thanks for giving me something interesting to read...other than Rivki's blog, it's like a wasteland out there!

    At least for now, I am unable to open my computer when NB is awake. I realized that it's not chinuch because I am using it but I don't want her to touch it, which she doesn't understand because she expects me (rightly so) to be demonstrating and modeling behaviors for her to emulate, at all times. So the absence of the computer as an option for most of the day has helped me do things like finally match all the socks. I guess what I mean is, it's led to productivity!

  3. I so totally relate, which is why I'm reading this at 1:17am, while making these:
    even though I need to be awake in less than 6 hours. *sigh* chalk it up to another night of "lesson hopefully learned".

    You make a very good point, my friend: it's less about getting enough sleep and more about acting according to our priorities. Even really productive activities can be used as a distraction from something that truly is the priority at that moment.

    Thank G-d, I'm aware of the issue and, G-d willing, I will continue to have chances to make better choices each day, for a long time to come. May we all continue to be given more chances to improve - for ourselves as well as those closest to us.