one of the things that keep me going

one of the things that keep me going

Monday, December 5, 2011

Negativity - lack there-of

I know that it's been awhile since i last written. To be honest, i had written a draft of what i had wanted to write about, but i couldnt get it 'just right', and i wasn't sure what was bothering me, so i just left it for awhile. then i realized, the past few weeks, i feel like i've been exposed to so much negativity.

more specifically, ive been receiving e-mails and posts on facebook about all the terrible things that are going on in the world. crazy stories that you thought only existed in your sick imagination, intermarriage, cheating, converting, choosing a path away from Hashem. people who i used to look up to and respect are acting in ways that i dont agree with and preaching things that are against everything i believe in. then it confused me, was this the way they always were, and i've changed? or has the whole world lost their minds?

don't think for a second that i'm judging anybody, because i'm no one to judge. just like any other human being, i make mistakes and i'm not perfect by any standard. but i am very sensitive, and all of these things have really been hurting me.

i think of people i grew up with, or with whom i was really close with at some point in my life. i look at them now, and i look at myself, and i wonder, how did they get there? how did they go so far away? how did they get soooo lost? maybe had we stayed friends, things would be different?

the truth is though, the world has lost their mind. what are my kids going to be exposed to?

so i can dwell upon this, and talk about it, and write about it forever, but what i'm trying to get at is, what am I being exposed to? what am i letting myself be exposed to?

i'm reading this book called 'Organize Now!' which is a week-by-week guide to work on becoming a more organized person. it's not a Jewish book, and the author is not Jewish. she mentions in the FIRST week's goal: 'Simplify your life and your thinking by cutting back on the amount of negative information and images you let penetrate your mind- the news, advertising, newspapers, depressing books and violent movies.' Chochmat Goyim. Her ideas are all based on, the less (clutter) you have, the less you have to worry (/clean) about. everyone has their share of problems, baggage, struggles that take up their mind space and energy. then, you have to deal with everyone else in your life's problems, baggage and struggles. WHY then, do i need to be personally EXPOSED to every single bad thing that could possibly go wrong, GO WRONG, and then see all the effects of it GOING WRONG on EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE WORLD, and all their friends??!!

caring about every single person in the world, and their well being is an obligation. and i do care. most people do not want my help or opinion, and i am in a healthy place where i dont try to control everyone and their actions. i realize that the more im exposed to problems that i cant solve, the more down i get. i cant solve world hunger, or the israeli conflict, or all my friends who are not religious and i wish they could see the beauty and love that i see in it. (obviously there are things you can do to help a situation, but not single handedly solve a problem). caring for the world, and not knowing about everything, is not a contradiction.

my daughter Ayala is 7 weeks old now, and she smiled for the first time on shabbat. and since then, she smiles all the time now. a close family friend of mine, after 15 years of infertility is expecting triplets in another month. a friend of mine in her late thirties got engaged a month ago. an old friend of mine got engaged to a wonderful girl after dating for just 2 months (get this, the mom met the girl at a wedding and said 'you are the girl for my son')! a man from my community who was widowed with 2 small children just got remarried. a good friend of mine was zoche to buy a house in jerusalem. amongst all the negative things that are going on, so many positive, wonderful, happy things are happening too.

why can't we post about more happy things?


  1. I find myself to be more and more sensitive, as well. It's true that it's difficult to see what we perceive as the "downward spiral" of people we knew/know as something "better" than what they seem to be now. It's all perception. They have bachira (free will), and they also have G-d watching over them as much as anyone else. So I find myself sometimes judging the choices they have made/are making in their lives, and even just feeling bad for them. But who am I to judge? Who am I to feel bad for anyone? How do I know that their situations are bad? How can I be so haughty to think I'm better off them they are? Maybe they are doing better with the challenges they have than I'm doing with the challenges I have. Maybe the choices they are making are actually healthier for them than what I come up with as what's "better" for them.

    And when it is an actual bad situation, it sure is hard to "watch" people struggle. But sometimes, I admit, it's just as hard for me to see the good in people's lives. Why? Because I'm human and far from perfect. And sometimes I want what they have. But even then, I need to remind myself that G-d is watching over me as much as them and He is giving me exactly what I need at every moment. Perhaps those people who I sometimes think are doing worse than I am, are thinking the same thing.